narcissithstic | MENTAL LINK

[Strange.

Strange is the word for it, to try and consider that someone else might prefer blindness to sight. It is...illuminating in its own right (he thinks, but briefly, of Han Solo's commitment to denying the truth and it leaves a bitterness on the tip of his tongue) and yet it remains as foreign a concept as it did before.]

Does it upset you so much?

—Clarity?

I didn't grow up with the ability to hear what was going on in other people's heads, Ren.

[ So to say this is a shock is an understatement. Though, it's not the mental shift he has to make on himself but also for himself that's unnerving. If he wanted, he could hold an entire conversation, mentally, with someone in his brood half across the nest. In a way, that's useful. What's bothersome is that they have access to his memories. Or unbidden images.

Strategically, knowing what's going through someone's mind is a gift. This isn't how he envisioned that. No, he'd prefer the silence of it meant his head stayed clear of interference or interruption.

(Sharing thoughts is nothing compared to the emotion—he can barely tolerate the push and pull). ]

[Most people aren't. If not for that fact, Ben Solo would not have been viewed as special, nor valued enough to be pursued where those who claimed to be his family left off. There's a pinprick of agitation nestling somewhere low across his spine, but he knows—

He knows it is not meant as it sounds.]

It will not abate until you learn to control it. [In that, Hux is fortunate: for Ren there is no such thing as a closed door, a locked thought or a moment free of aching torment. What it does mean, however, is he is capable of mastering it more than most.

A beat and then, carefully:] I can teach you.

[His voice is low, hushed as if offering some great secret - like baring an expanse of vulnerable skin.]

[ Ren's thoughts are a jumble of emotional pulses, though it's indistinct, going by too quickly for him to parse. Hux lets it slide over him with a sick feeling in his gut, hating that he's even privy to this. Where one wall goes up, he discovers so many more cracks in the defense. What's more alarming is how uncontrolled he feels amongst it all.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that Ren offers. Though it does, and he has to stop his knee jerk reaction of declining. Ren being in control of anything is almost laughable, but there are moments. Sometimes he goes into a mission with a clear head and cut purpose. Hux has seen it once, maybe twice. He's never been one for daydreaming, but he sometimes wondered what would happen if that were a normal occurrence.

Perhaps this is what tempers his answer: ]

Fine. [ Said more tentatively than he meant it to. Maybe there's a bit of fear after all. Not of Ren or his powers, but just the unknown. ]

Only until I learn how to stop hearing everything at once.

[For a beat, Ren says nothing, as if mulling over the terms— or perhaps even the sincerity— of what lies in the open between them. And then, quick as he would be in dismissing casual conversation, Ren turns back towards the far corner of the room, moving to gather up the damaged layers of his robes.] Agreed.

We will begin tomorrow.

( Doubt me if you like. )

[ Far more friendly than the last time she intoned that. ]

[ This could potentially end poorly, knowing Ren. Well, honestly, knowing both of them. Hux has always had a different approach to things than the other man, though it's exactly this that's tripping him up with the mental connections. It's going to take a shift in mindset to get used to the noise. And to subvert or block it out. He's been going at a methodical pace, but it's not enough. ]

Very well. [ He goes to take his leave– Ren clearly has other things he wants to do. ]

And again, it is not you I doubt.

[Capable as she is, and with the trait so rare amongst the current hosts, Ren is at least relieved to have her near. Particularly at times like this (when he'd rather not deal with the pack).]

Tend to them as you like. Should trouble find you— either of you— inform me.

[ It pleases her, to provide some relief. Ren is assuredly more sane than her king had been, but no less tormented, it is an easy and familiar place for her to stand. But Kylo Ren is her peer, not her monarch, and that changes everything. All the same, she likes this arrangement. ]

( As you like. )

[ Hm... and a suggestion, not quite a request, ]

( Show patience with the new host, until she has her bearings, for me. )

[It is unlike him to do this in this fashion, but he recognizes the necessity of it. Still, when he reaches out it is unlike the gentle brush of Cathaway, uncolored by emotion, an empty space that seemed to gape, somehow nearly as unsettling as a mind too bare. His words are preceded by the obviousness of his attention, an anticipation, the mental equivalent to clearing his throat. And the words- stony and without warmth or comfort, unyielding and stern. He will not react to interruption. He won't even hear it.]

There are many things to discuss with you. [You- you, all of you, everyone he addressed- the clear knowledge that it was not a personal message, but a shared one.] This mission was a failure. Do not think to see it as anything less. The simplest of exercises intended only to allow those unaccustomed to gain some small experience with unfamiliar places. A harmless excursion.

[There's a pause, like a breath, a cold wind going colder.]

It was my failure that I saw you as anything but children, incapable of understanding that your choices have consequences. It is not a mistake I will make again. Your actions have proven you to be irresponsible, dangerous, and foolish. And as a result one of your own has died, for nothing. Those in his brood have now lost something irreplaceable. Do not imagine this feeling will go, do not imagine this emptiness will be filled by another. It will not. You will never be as strong as you could have been with him.

[It is simple fact, even as they grew they would lend each other strength. Now they had one less to draw from. There was a potential they would never reach.]

Hosts are lost. This is the reality of our situation, but Adam Parker did not die because we sought to strike a blow against the ones who hunt us. He did not even die because he made a foolish mistake. He died because you made a selfish choice. Remember this, your decisions effect more than you. Even your own life is not just yours any longer. You should be at least responsible enough not to drag those who should be able to rely on to their death.

[There is little point to this, he knows. Those that had behaved poorly would not listen to words, and if they had not yet learned a lesson there would be more loss and more suffering before they did. Still, this is too soon for this.]

There will be some time before you will be sent on your first true mission. I suggest you use it to better yourselves, for all of your sake.

[And the connection drops- cleanly as if he had flipped a switch. His mind was still there, as it always was, but distant, uninviting. This was never meant to be a dialogue.]

I make no promises.

[She is favored amongst the hosts; for her sake there is much he would do, however he feels no urge to tell her as much. She is, after all, not Cathaway. Just as he is not her godking.

Still, patience he can attempt.]

( I do not require one. )

[ It would overestimate her certitude direly to say she knows he will humor her, what she knows is that as long as hearing her out does not anger him, then there is no harm in planting a few peaceable ideas here and there. ]

( I'm about to do something that'll be really loud and probably not fun for you guys. Just a warning, probably want to block me out the next few hours. )

...what are you planning?

[And will it potentially kill you, Sam.]

( Trying to get some answers. What you saw in my head, minus the memory filters to keep me from going nuts. )

[ so, not kill him, just make him batshit for a while. nbd. just going to be loud af while he shoves the universe and time into his brain. ]

Edited 2016-05-04 12:13 (UTC)

Understood.

[A beat, and then, purposefully:]

I will not block you.

( Seriously? )

[ why are you a masochist, mind-bro ]

( It's not going to be like my memories. I was way past batshit when I was like this before. They're vague for a reason. ) [ because knowing what he knows and being what he is when he's like that isn't something people come back sane from. ] ( I'm gonna be pissed if I accidentally drive you bonkers, man. )

[Living as he is is masochism, Sam. That he refuses to cease existing means it's all relative, honestly.]

You were the only one bleeding, Samuel. [Which, surprisingly enough, is mild. Easy. It's only after a long pause that the humor slips away, revealing nothing more than the truth:] The Force will guard me; I'm not concerned.

And if you begin to die, I need to know of it.

[ you have some strange life choices, homeslice, but you know what, you do you. ]

( Uh yeah and you were the one not recently in a coma, so how about you brag when the playing field's even, punk. ) [ which is all completely sam just being an amused kind of competitive about it, not actually any kind of miffed. more like jean or kara giving him shit for being out of practice on the court.

okay but

is this kylo ren looking out for him?

dude. ]

( Hahahahaha, you like me. ) [ sam anders, actual 2,000 year old cylon god thing. ladies and gentlemen, here he is. ] ( Ilde will be in the room with me, so if I start seizing or something, she'll probably, I dunno, do something about that. )

( Thanks. Honestly. )

[Ugh. Affection. Gross. G R O S S.]

Fine.

[And there goes the connection: since Ilde's watching out for you, you can just keep your compassion to yourself.]

( Aw, come on, I didn't mean you can't still do it! )

[ pushed out into the space where the connection was. aww, bro, come back. though, really, Ilde's going to be blocking him out as much as the others, more probably, since she'll be right next to him, so while she'd be able to tell if he starts seizing, she can't really judge if his mind is literally breaking.

but, okay, probably for the best there's less people. HE'LL BRO YOU YET, KYLIE TOASTER. ]

[NO YOU WON'T HIS ONLY FRIENDS ARE LONELINESS AND MCR.]

[ BRACE UR SELF AND UR HOT TOPIC GEAR, BOYO ]

HATRED all will suffer for their crimes.	SERVICE within it, glory beyond measure.
CONTROL chaos brought to heel through pain.	FEAR failure, weakness, mediocrity...

MENTAL LINK | IC INBOX

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

wow hello notif I never got

no subject

Day 165, mid-morning

no subject

no subject

no subject

late day 165

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject